Irish Jokes for Paddy’s Day
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were reading a newspaper article about which nationalities’ brains were for sale for transplant purposes. An Irishman’s or a Scotsman’s brain could be bought for €500 but an Englishman’s brain cost €10,000. That proves,’ said The Englishman, ‘that Englishmen are much cleverer than Irishmen or Scotsmen.’
‘No it doesn’t,’ said The Irishman, ‘it just means that an Englishman’s brain has never been used.’
I’ve got my own recipe for Irish stew: Get some meat, some potatoes and a lot of Guinness Stout. Drink all of the beer. Forget about the stew.
An Irish priest is driving down the road and is pulled over for speeding.
The garda smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle beside him. He asks the priest, “Sir, have you been drinking?”
The priest responds, “No officer, just water,”
The policeman asks, “Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says, “The Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
Sign in a London pub: ‘Happy hour – all you can drink for £1.’
Murphy went up to the bar and said ‘i’ll have two quids’ worth please.’
The Doctor was puzzled ‘I’m very sorry Mr O’Flaherty but I can’t diagnose your trouble. I think it must be drink.’
‘Don’t worry about it Dr Cullen, I’ll come back when you’re sober
A very smart lady named Cookie
Said, “I like to mix gambling with nookie
Before every race
I go home to my place
And curl up with a very good bookie
May your thoughts be as glad as the shamrocks. May your heart be as light as a song. May each day bring you bright, happy hours that stay with you all the year long
Lassi says “Paddy we’ve been married along time. You’re good lookin and I think you’ve slept with alotta women. I won’t be mad but I would like to know how many if any. Paddy says. My lovely Lass you should know I never slept with anyone but you my Darlin. All the rest I was awake.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were each left 5,000 pounds by a rich man on condition that after his death they would each put 100 pounds into his coffin in case he needed it in the afterlife. The Englishman and the Scotsman duly put in their hundred pounds. The Irishman put in a cheque for his”
and a few more.. click the links below…