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Paddy Irishman Jokes

Paddy Irishman Jokes

A short collection of Paddy Irishman Jokes for your amusement. If you like it, please share the page.


An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal. While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, “Johnson, the pole vault,” and was admitted.The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, “McTavish, the hammer.” He was also admitted. The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, “O’Sullivan, fencing.”

Paddy Irishman Jokes

A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman although already in the forces decided they’d join the S.A.S. Upon being called for an interview the recruiting sergeant explained that in order to be accepted into the special air services they must agree without hesitation to carry out any order whatever it may be, no questions just do it. All agreed no problem anything at all. Right say’s the sarge to the Englishman here’s a gun go into the room next door and shoot the first person you see. Off he goes 2 mins later he’s back “sarge i can’t do it, it’s my wife for chris’sakes” No good to us get out. Next in goes jock 2 mins later back out puts gun on table ” i cannae do it, it’s my wee hen i willnae shoot my wife” Sarge say’s no good to us get out. Sarge gives the gun to the Irishman and sends him into the room the next thing “Bang Bang” followed by shouting and screaming, then silence .Next thing out comes the Irishman hair all tossed, face bleeding waving the gun madly about. “Some ##### idiot loaded that ##### gun with blanks, I had to break her ##### neck”

Paddy Englishman,  Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scotsman were on a aeroplane and they didn’t know where they were,  so Paddy Scotsman put his foot out the window and said “I think i’m in New York, because I can feel the empire state building“. Then Paddy Englishman put his foot out the window and said “I think i’m in Paris, because I can feel the Eiffel Tower“. ThenPaddy Irishman put his foot out the window and said “I think i’m in Craigavon,  because somebody just stole my shoe“!!.


An Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman were playing Russian roulette. Paddy Englishman used a gun with six chambers and no bullets; Paddy Scotsman used a gun with six chambers and one bullet; Paddy Irishman used a gun with six chambers and six bullets – but he put The gun to Paddy Englishman’s head.


Paddy and Murphy go for a day of fishing, but when they get to the bridge they realise they have forgotten their equipment. So Murphy comes up with an idea. “Paddy you hold me by the ankles over the bridge and when I see a fish I’ll grab it” so Paddy hangs him over the side. All of a sudden Murphy shouts “Paddy, pull me up quick” Paddy asks “why Murphy, have you caught a fish?” “no Paddy” Murphy replies “there’s a train coming